It’s been a long time, almost three months since I was last here, part of me wants to say that this feels like coming home, but honestly, nothing really does.WhenLifeAwakens, 2020
Three weeks ago, life was normal, everyone lived lives they were used to living and then suddenly life was flipped, turned upside down, inside out, it all went a bit pear-shaped, or a lot. That depends on your personal view. Online classes for students have become the norm, working from home is no longer reserved for free-lancers or YouTubers, we’re all living the same life. Indoors, or at least most of us.
Three weeks ago, I went out to each lunch, I marveled at the fact that my last year as an undergraduate was coming to an end, soon I would be taking my final exams, then graduation, then… who knows? It was all bit of a blur in my imagination. But one thing was for sure, I was going to busy, busier than I had ever been before. Oh, and my dissertation, a whole cognitive-behavioural experiment, that’s a big deal too.
No one saw this coming, this flip of a switch, it happened that fast I think, I went from studying in a classroom to studying in my bedroom (I wouldn’t advise this, it’s too easy to take a nap), to meeting friends for lunch to having virtual chats. Imagine if we didn’t live in such a digital age, would you able to function without keeping in contact with close family/friends/colleagues/partners? I knew I couldn’t.
Self-isolation and calls for a lock-down made me realise one thing, we all needed a life re-adjustment, a re-evaluation if you will. I took a long hard look at my life over the past year and realised, I was happy, mildly happy, but happy nonetheless. I have a roof over my head, food in my home, family to live with, studying a degree I love, a support network I wouldn’t trade for the world, but there was something missing. Me.
Well, physically I’m present, mentally though, I live in the future, figuring out what to do next, what task/assignment/book/show should I be completing/working on/reading/watching? I mean it’s normal to have a thousand thoughts to fly through your mind a billion times a day, but perhaps it’s not to never live in the present, to experience quiet.
Quietness is a stranger to me, I don't like it. I mean, there's always something to do, isn't there? There should be.
It took about a week of self-isolation to realise since all my exams were converted into essays with a due date of 2 months into the future, that I would have a lot of spare time in my hands. I went back through my journal that I stopped writing in because I didn’t feel like it and saw that I hadn’t read books, or done regular yoga in three months… I made an excuse saying my final year was going to be busy and I wouldn’t have time for it anyway.
I was lacking and I was burnt-out, this period of time at home (which supposedly will last well into the summer) was a wake-up call. I couldn’t just sleep and work, I needed substance to my life, something to give me joy, to help me appreciate the little things, to give me a new lease of life.
Maybe starting a bunch of habits was a way to this after all.
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