The end of a month is very close upon us, and this time it’s even more special because it’s not just the last day of December but also the last day of 2019 and the last day of an entire decade. It’s a mouthful but incredibly mind-blowing to realise an entire year has passed us by, time works in funny ways, seemingly speeding up when we are at our highest and slowing down painfully when we at our lowest. And honestly, right now I feel a mixture of gratitude yet nostalgia, as if I’m saying goodbye to an old friend.
It’s one big old bittersweet ending. And I think I’m okay with that.
Unlike many of the other months this year, December was one where everything seemingly ran both smoothly yet chaotically, let me explain, I had the chance to buy gifts for two of my younger cousins and attend a beautifully curated birthday party on one day, yet another I’d feel an illness catching up to me or my migraines growing worse by the second. December felt like pot-luck, a spin of the wheel everyday and who knew what kind of day I’d end up with, I certainly didn’t. All that craziness aside I did get to spend time with old and new friends alike which I’m incredibly grateful for and squeezed in some family time at the end of the year.
Like always, here’s my visual diary for the month of December 2019:
end of decade ramblings
It’s hard to believe that an entire 10 years of my life has passed by, I started off the decade as a naive 11 year old who was easily influenced and vulnerable to everything around her, I made too many mistakes to count, I had too many mental breakdowns to count, but after each one of them I rose. I made friends for life, I made friends for a season, I said hello to the new people in my life and opened the same door for people I let go, the ones that stayed made the most difference and are one I put all my energy into. The rest I reminisce on thinking how we could have made it in another life, but that doesn’t matter, only this life does, nonetheless every person I’ve ever had to say goodbye to hurt me, and the process of letting go hurt even more. On my bad days the pain comes back like a dull ache, a reminder that I’m growing to become selfish and self-loving, self-caring and beautiful inside.
Fast forward to today and I cannot believe I have the life I had once so desperately wished for, with work I enjoy, a degree in a subject I love and the people around me supporting my every move, my goals and dreams. If I ever lose myself or the sight of my goals, I need only remember and express gratitude for what I already have.
I feel rich beyond my wildest dreams.
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