Out of all the journals I’ve written this one feels special to me, slightly more than the others, in fact I feel a strong sense of excitement and a rush of adrenaline typing at this very moment. The beauty of this being that I can let my words flow and just be without judging what comes forth and having to edit every single word.
So let’s begin.
The reason as to why I feel the excitement is because July felt so very different, it involved a huge life adjustment, as well as a re-adjustment, back into a my own personal routine. Let me explain, the start was very much dedicated to two things, finishing off my placement and also dedicating a lot of time to my family. I had huge responsibilities to carry forth and sacrifices were made to my social life. At that very moment I felt drained of not being able to reach a balance but in hindsight I do think it was a good learning experience.
Soon enough, when things normalised, I was living at the other extreme. I left work and entered summer, I had huge amounts of time on my hands and no clue on how to spend it, my social life resumed and I was getting a regular dose of city life and fresh air. Things felt better.
Until the moment where I began to face the biggest challenge of all. Loneliness.
Now I’ve made a distinction between being alone and loneliness, with the latter being associated with negative feelings and thoughts. And this feeling isn’t entirely new to me either, last year I made a blog post on loneliness and my experiences.
But here I was going through the same ups and downs as the previous year. Had I grown at all? Had I not learnt my lesson the first time around?
I was scolding myself repeatedly for having relapsed into the same emotions without stopping to think that I am just human, I will feel a variety of emotions throughout my lifetime, and that’s how it is for every single human being on earth. So why should I be mad at myself?
Then I realised that I should be taking action against these feelings, I should be nurturing the relationship I have with myself instead of torturing myself. Despite society’s example of self-depreciation, I want to emphasise that it’s neither cool nor kind to constantly put yourself down. If you’re struggling, see a therapist and if that’s overwhelming, talk to a family member or a friend to begin with. Since then, I’ve felt a sense of solitude and more comfortable with spending time alone and doing the things I want to do separate from others.
Be kind to your body, gentle with your mind and patient with your heart. Stay true to your spirit, cherish your soul and never doubt yourself.
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