I promise I’m trying not to follow the trend of click-bait titles, but I think this somewhat bold statement really does resonate with who I’ve become as a person, the ways in which I’ve come to know who I really am, and how this has all changed since January 2019.
Like many people I start the New Year off with goals that I want to keep and habits that I would like to get in to, though I believe that a new year doesn’t signify change unless you, yourself decide to take physical action, and that you can change your life in a single moment on a Wednesday in the middle of March if you truly want to.
It’s not about when you decide to change, or about waiting for the perfect moment, but how, that’s what makes all the difference.
But for me, I have the habit of creating pages in my journal about my 2019 goals in a few areas of life like my blog, my personal life, relationships and work life. Even though most of what I write out down are broad themes and guidelines, I try to be as specific as possible. The rest I tend to visualise and in a way try to become and feel that new person who’s striving for her goals.
Your whole life is a manifestation of all the thoughts that go inside your mind.
Now that we’ve somehow reached the month of June, though I honestly do not know how, life seem’s like one huge blur, and it’s still moving, I’ve decided to take a few days to reflect on myself, and who I am. Getting deep and almost even existential isn’t really at all new to me, but if you want to try this, I would recommend going through all the events from January to now and reflect on what’s happened and what’s changed.
I’ve realised I’ve become more accepting of the fact that life isn’t one huge problem that needs constant micromanagement, and that I should plan every waking moment of my life. I’ve understood through many trials and tribulations that no matter what, I’ll always survive, I’ll make it through to the other side because I’m strong, capable and most of all, resilient.
I didn’t discover this all through not facing any issues, out of all the 20 years of my existence this past year has been pretty extreme in all the things that decided to go wrong, all the stressors that happened and all the solutions I was scrambling to find. Thanks to being in these hard places, I’ve become better at problem solving, in the face of uncertainty I don’t panic and cower away, I try to find the best solutions, talk to friends and family and work through things with the support of others.
Then again, I’ve always become hesitant in accepting help even when it’s offered, I find myself feeling weak when needing others to help me, as if I’m a burden to everyone around me. Yet, I’ve come to realise that isn’t true, I’m so lucky to be surrounded by many people who are always offering to help me in so many ways and for the first time I’ve been able to accept it without the feelings of shame and guilt overpowering me.
I feel like I’ve been born again, born to be who I am, to do what I wish and flourish.
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