And yes, I’m not entirely exaggerating. Being the person that I am I’ve struggled with perfectionism for the majority of my 20 years on this Earth. In a way I think everyone struggles with this, whether or not they have high expectations of themselves or not.
When the new year rolled around and I started to become almost borderline obsessed with my blog, which in hindsight isn’t completely a bad thing, it just goes to show how passionate I really am about my art and about using my creative muscle. I began sticking to a really good routine that fit with my working hours (approximately 9-5 as an Honorary Assistant Psychologist,
more on this coming soon) of brainstorming, drafting, editing, graphic designing, more editing, technical stuff and finally publishing. It all seemed to have worked out incredibly well, I’m honestly blown away by the amount of support I’ve received, I appreciate each and every single one of you.
Until the inevitable moment where it finally happened, I fell off course, I became used to my routine of creating, I let go of the worry that I may perhaps lose the spark, so to speak and would constantly surround myself with inspiration, through podcasts, books, conversations, videos and more, and then became fixated on boredom.
I firmy believe that though boredom can happen, it’s not often it can happen in the blogosphere, there’s always things to do, posts to create, comments to read and reply to and billions of blogs to explore. But when I came to the realisation that I was bored I got worried. Is this the end? Have I well and truly fallen out of love of blogging? What’s going on? Can I fix this? All these questions and more were running through my head. Honestly, I was scared.
The fact that I had missed yesterday’s post sent my perfectionism off the charts, it was almost like a red alert, an emergency, I hadn’t done something I was supposed to. And then it occured to me, the words “supposed to” meant I wasn’t living my dream, wasn’t accomplishing my goals. Having had this mindset for many years mentally drained me, and at times still does. It can be hard to battle with your mind when it wants to belittle you.
Through falling off course I’ve come to understand how important it is to let things go, to loosen up every once in a while. It’s okay to miss a few days, to get back on track, to take time away from the chaos that is life. Perfectionism may have ruined a few moments for me, but I’m stronger than that and I always will be.
“Perfectionism is the enemy of creation, as extreme self-solitude is the enemy of well-being” – John Updike.
© Afiyah/WhenLifeAwakens, 2018. Unauthorised use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Afiyah/WhenLifeAwakens with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.