It’s been a very long 38 days since I posted, (yes I counted, not entirely sure why but nevertheless I did) which was a day before my birthday, I’ve finally reached the ripe old age of 20. I say ripe and I say old purely because life’s experiences have come at me at a shocking speed and having to deal with so much has lead to me feeling like I’m living the life of someone much older than myself. Most importantly though, I’m back. It was incredibly exciting yet terrifying writing this knowing I’ve had to talk about the last month, to try and focus my own energy but also to explain my absence.
The Last 38 Days: Where exactly have I been?
Well, to put it simply I’ve been incredibly busy with finishing up my second year of university, that’s still a thought that scares me, how did time fly by so fast? I finished my last exam yesterday and today is technically the first day of my extremely long summer holiday. Except after I won’t be going back to university, despite my stresses from February to April I managed to secure a year-long placement at a clinic where I’ll be working alongside Clinical Psychologists. I remember going for my interview where I was dressed in all black on what felt like the warmest day of the year trying to control my anxiety as not one, not two but three interviewers sat in front of me asking questions. Being terrified was clearly an understatement.
Mental, Emotional & Physical Health
This is a section I wasn’t sure if I’d end up including in this post purely because it’s a little strange to add in a life updates post. But since my blog is centred around self-development, self-growth and self-care, it made sense to. The first thing that had a huge impact on me was exams and exam stress, which isn’t new to me nor would it be new to any other student. Yet I let it take a toll on my mental health to the point of multiple breakdowns, part of me wanted to feel everything I was feeling and the other wanted to push my feelings so deep within myself that I would end up numb. Deciding between the two was difficult but being in the position that I am right now, I’m grateful for this lesson because it opened up my eyes to how I treat myself and how that’s definitely something I need to work on.
The most important thing that I ended up neglecting was my physical health, exactly a month after my birthday I was sick and though I get ill from time to time this was pretty serious, I actually hadn’t been that severely ill since I was 14 and that worried me to no end. And to make matters worse I’m currently going through a health problem one which may require hospitalisation and surgery. At this exact moment in time, I’m not entirely sure how I feel, it’s a mixture of relief yet stress and fear for my life.
Future Blog Posts & Somewhat Neglected Ones
Recently before my hiatus, I was starting a new monthly series where I spoke about my goals for the month and also reflected upon what happened in the month in a review. Sadly due to the many things that happened from being busy with interviews, exams & my own personal health issues I never ended up finishing my April habit tracker and didn’t create one for May. Another realisation that I came to whilst keeping track of my habits was how incredibly rigid my life had become, I was feeling fulfilled with my goals but I wasn’t exactly happy either, at the start this tracking felt like a novelty but once it became a routine it didn’t bring me joy any longer. Though I’ll still be carrying certain habits planning these might not make its way into future blog posts.
On the topic of future blog posts, I have a few life lessons and experiences to share as well as some wisdom I’ve gained from books. One habit that I’ve had to make extra time for is reading because it’s something I love so much, currently I’m reading The Pilgrimage by Paulo Coelho, who is my absolute favourite author with my favourite book being The Alchemist. I hugely recommend it. I’m hoping to delve more into creative writing, which is a little out of my comfort zone yet I’m excited to try it.
If you made it this far, I commend you. My life is a mess at the moment but if I take it day by day I’ll end up in a better place. I’ve just got to have faith in my future self, and that when the time comes she’ll know what to do. As for now thank you all for reading, and also thank you for all the new followers I gained despite my absence, it warms my heart knowing that my words are still having a positive impact on others.
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