Welcome to another Coffee Talk, get your cup of coffee, tea or even just a glass of water ready because I will be talking my heart out. These blog posts will be informal and have my unedited thoughts and feelings about whatever it is that I’m going through at this precise moment. Specific I know!!
A few posts back I wrote about my updates with regards to my March Goals, as per usual, I spoke about the three main habits I set myself for the month and also how self-care contributed to it. When it came to actually evaluating these goals along with my monthly habits I, of course, looked at what I had successfully accomplished, but as soon I panned over the failures, a crippling anxiety overcame me and I was left feeling pretty bad.
Since that low point in my life, I’ve come to realise failures = lessons learnt, not time wasted, a motto that I’ve repeated time and time again, and even put in my previous posts. Yet, one thing I didn’t share was the image above, which shows the successes for each of the ten habits, as well as the failures, where exactly it was that I stumbled and its effect on my mental, physical and emotional health.
There were two days in particular, that started off the whole avalanche effect, which pretty quickly built up to me hitting rock bottom, not a fun experience, but an experience nevertheless. The 24th and 25th of March 2018, these two days were part of the weekend, but the weekdays prior were definitely part of the toughest week I’ve had to date this year. It was filled with mental breakdowns and self-loathing and general crappy-ness. Despite trying to not let it get to me, it really, really got to me, in such as way that it had a lasting impact on my inner self, the negativity just spread and spread until I felt numb, an empty void just collapsing in on itself.
The fact that my habit tracker was empty for those days just added to my stress and self-negativity. As much as I am advocate for seeing failures for the silver linings they hold, rather than seeing them as personal mistakes, my perfectionist self usually gets in the way of that, my old self rose out of the ashes and took control, which made it even harder to take control and switch my emotions.
As time passed I gradually, and by I, I mean my better self took the wheel of my life once again and things bounced back into action, my habits started getting better, and I started to worry less about what exactly I had accomplished and more on whether it was benefiting my mental, physical and emotional health.
The main lesson I learnt from this experience was that we all hit stops along the way that drag us down, we all feel the crippling sense of anxiety from time to time, some more than others. And that’s okay, as long as you’re able to pull yourself together and find what the universe is trying to tell you, you’ll be much better equipped the next time such a situation happens again.
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