I cannot really say how long it’s been, several years at most that I was plagued by anxiety over so many situations, but I’m glad to say that the clouds have parted. That’s not to say the skies will remain clear, beaming with sunlight or that thunderstorms will rage upon my soul like they once did, my behaviour, emotions and general well-being have reached a state of neutrality, of almost calmness. And for that, I could not be more grateful.
Growing up these past two years has made me realise a lot of my inner self that I had not as yet encountered, layer upon layers of myself unravelled and through each one I felt pain, sorrow and sadness but grew to love that layer with fondness and see the beauty, see the parts that make up who I am as a person. Regardless of the many layers I did encounter and despite how much pain I was bringing upon myself, never did I want to stop learning or encountering, there were always more to learn, there always is.
Here I am, nearly through the end of the second month of 2018 and slowly becoming aware of myself and my reactions to certain situations has brought much clarity into my life, it’s been a few days since I overcame a situation that not only did seem impossible but in a sense, almost unimaginable, there was no success, just failures, self-doubt and no self-confidence. I reached a new low, a new layer of myself unravelled and it took many, many days to come to terms with it.
And that won’t be the end of it, alas I’m only 19 years of age and there’s so much of life I want to explore, so many new situations I will encounter, and as a result, so many new layers of myself that will unravel. Not only do I need how to cope with this unravelling but as with every life experience I need to learn, that’s the best thing about being curious, you never want to stop growing and applying knowledge to real life.
Since I’ve been gone on this hiatus from December time, I’ve gained so many new followers, I’d like to say welcome and thank you to those who are just exploring for the first time, and for the old-timers, welcome back and thanks to you too for sticking with through my difficult moments. Let’s make this a start of a new era!! 🙂 ❤