Hello again, as you’re reading this I’m probably learning how to deal with a variety of things that have been on my mind lately, a few of them old, and a few of them being new experiences and situations that life has thrown at me. I’ve haven’t fully reached a state of complete acceptance or satisfaction with my life and I’m unsure as to whether I ever will. With that being said, it’s been nearly an entire month of a somewhat unplanned hiatus and though I want to say I have returned I cannot make that promise entirely.
This past month has been me reaching a new level, or rather, uncovering a new layer within myself that I was unaware existed, life threw many curveballs at me and I had to figure out, and am still figuring out what exactly is going on up there. Aside from this spiritual aspect partly explaining my absence, life itself has been pretty chaotic, in past blog posts I’ve spoken about exams and studying, starting a new job and my own goal and resolutions, some of which I’m proud to say I’m implementing (more on this in another post!!).
Overall things have changed, without trying to sound too cliche, it’s something I cannot really explain, it’s emotional I’d say something that’s stirring deep inside me causing me to feel all sorts of ways and think to the extremes. Even though I know living life can be more difficult for some than others and that life itself is never a linear graph line, having to learn more about oneself that’s somewhat painful can be incredibly hard to recover from, there’s always going to be ups and downs, at times this may reach extremes, and as long as I’ve lived I’ve hard time accepting this fact.
I’m not trying to say I’d love to live an easy and somewhat plain life, this past year and a bit I’ve had so many new experiences and situations where I’ve learnt plenty of things, but there are times when things get harder and harder, and it becomes easier to give up than to fight, and though I’m fed up of feeling like a victim, the hard times are still in existence. It’s come to a point where I’m running away from my problems, something I’ve done a lot in the past, mentally and for short-term satisfaction, it’s easier that way. But I know I have to fight, I’ll have to fight no matter how many tears I shed or how many bruises I obtain or how much I ache, there’s just no running away from myself.
I cannot tell myself it will be okay because no matter how much time passes, there will be new layers of myself unravelling and letting themselves be known to the world, the only thing I can do is push through it. The only way out is through.