This is my very first blog post of 2018 and we’re already off to a wild start, the day that I’m typing this is the 11th January, so I’m a tad late for New Year’s but nevertheless I hope you all had a wonderful time celebrating, and for those of you who didn’t, chin up there are 11 more months in the year!!
Personally, New Year’s for me has pretty much started today, I’ve just had a stressful first semester exam period, meaning over the Christmas period and New Year’s I was studying as hard as I could to do well. Despite the fact that exams have ended, sadly everything else has not, the second semester is close by and even then I’ve got 2 more assignments to hand in. As you can probably imagine, this, along with trying to find a placement and going to work again means the idea of free time will become more or less non-existent to me.
As a result of all of this and my own personal issues, I had a bad start to the New Year, something I really wasn’t prepared for. I was hoping for less stress, fewer problems and for me to be able to deal with it all. But as always my emotions built up and carried on building up until I snapped, and boy did I snap.
08/01/2018 – journal entry
“As much as I am a believer of new days, fresh starts and the ability to move on from the stressful things in life, I’m starting today with the bruises of yesterday, I feel like the day never really ended and that I’m awake, not to study or even to take care of myself but to be constantly stuck in that mindset. The one that causes my soul to twist and turn, my stomach to create a never-ending set of knots and for my eyes never to stay dry and focused. The heaviness that weighs down my inner self is crushing me to the ground, the deeper it goes, the more I become used to the feeling the weight and the more I decide I never want to let it go. Whether this is due to my stubborn nature or the fact that I’m still unable to resolve the pain, it’s getting harder and harder to continue. “
I’m proud to say that even though it’s only been a few days I’m back to a neutral state which I’m hoping to work on even more so through these next few months. One thing I have a hard time dealing with is constant put-downs, constant failures, yet somehow I still manage to rise, like a phoenix out of the ashes, but in a much less graceful way. So here’s to another year of falling but rising, always rising in our ways.