This post was made
more than 16 days ago and it hasn’t hit me until now.
I had so many poetic beginnings for this post, they all worked, they all stated what I needed them to state but with flowery, flowery doesn’t work, it’s not entirely real or consistent with day-to-day life. So I came up with another, In my fresh, new notebook I turned the page.
This somewhat symbolic representation of turning a new leaf had a profound effect on me, there were many things I realised about myself that I didn’t know until this very moment, and many things about life I suddenly became aware of. I can’t say I have grown in wisdom but as far as my own personal mistakes are concerned I’ve grown to correct them, to understand them, to know how to deal with them.
A shift in perspective has come to me in various forms, through my counsellor, through reading and most of all, through my own personal reflections, and for that, I’m hugely grateful. I feel certain changes stirring inside me, changes in my personality and hopefully in the long-term changes to my overall mental well-being. Of course, I have my bad days, days where I need to feel the various emotions, to take time out for myself and learn to not push forward when I’m unable to, just to prove a point.
I say this not to state that my journey has finished or that I’ve achieved the exact emotions and the exact state of well-being that I’m absolutely satisfied with, but as a reminder to myself and to others that this journey is lifelong. Despite this being slightly off-putting, having a lifelong journey gives you time to improve, to learn, to grow and to correct any mistakes. In a way it gives me a sense of relief, it reminds me that I’m not a machine, I can change when I want, however I want to and it reminds me that I can, I don’t have to stay a certain way my entire life. Life itself and its experiences will inevitably change me, and finally, I’ve learnt to be okay with that.
As for where I’ve been, now that’s probably a typical story, I ended up disappearing for much longer than I’d expected to but then again, what else can be expected from a full-time university student who is very close to exam season (and should be putting her head down and studying).
Despite being extremely busy, I don’t want to publish content just for the sake of having a blog post up 3-4 times a week, so I’d rather take my time and upload perhaps once to twice a week but with good quality content and graphics. For more my avid readers I do hope you understand this, by next year I’ll definitely have more of a hold over my blogging schedule and will have fresh new content to put out!!