Recently in my Blog Updates #3 post, I mentioned few changes that will be happening to the content of my blog, as many of you already know the theme of my blog is to promote success and productivity, as well as being a source of inspiration and motivation through my weekly #BEABOSS series. However, after just over a year of blogging I want to share a little more of my personal life, and just like any other ordinary life, I do experience highs and lows and successes and failures.
One particular aspect that I will be focusing on this new Unfiltered Series is to show many of the struggles that I encounter and hopefully embrace the flaws I cannot change and gain strength to change the ones that I’m able to. In a way, I find it unfair when people showcase the positive making it look to the outside world that their lives are seemingly perfect, when in reality that’s far from the truth.
To narrow this down even further, I will be mentioning certain aspects relating to my own mental health and this new journey that I want to take to improve this. To cut an incredibly long story short, many of the issues I experience are rooted in upbringing and lifestyle. Yet, around two years I began to plummet to possibly the lowest depths possible all due to the amount of happiness and expectations I placed on a friendship, as well the toxicity of the relationship itself, soon after mental breakdowns and negativity became a prominent part of my life and things fell apart.
Although I’m thankful to say this person isn’t in my life anymore, I still from time to time experience problems, problems within myself. By nature, I’m a huge perfectionist and when things go wrong I beat myself up about it a lot, to the point where I make myself feel inferior and absolutely worthless, despite the fact that this hurts, I make myself believe I deserve it. All the accomplishments in my life seem worthless as if all the negatives outweigh all the positives.
Unfortunately, these problems have persisted and become even bigger to the point where I’m unable to get myself out of a rut, which is how things used to be two years ago. Though I felt like I’d moved on, I now have begun realise what a strange and non-linear recovery is, yet the one thing I cannot get over is how long this process takes, it’s a lifelong process and efforts need to be made every day, but I just want to achieve inner peace and happiness as soon as I can.
As a result, I finally reached out to a counselling service, my very first appointment is scheduled in just over a week, and though I’m a little terrified I hope professionals will have a better solution for me.