Trying to summon the courage to deal with the pain inside of you is a difficult thing, another is believing that you’ll even get out of the state in the first place. (So many tears came out of writing a piece like this).
There have been countless times where there’s been a grey cloud above my head, putting me in such a bad mood that I become toxic to the people around me. And so far, every single time I collapse and I can feel myself becoming weaker over time, even simply thinking about it makes me want to curl up into a ball and cry.
I really don’t know what I’m doing anymore. Life is just a blur, all the days merging into one with no goals or aspirations in mind. After realising this, I tried to muster up the courage to fix this problem. Little did I know, it was going to be one of the hardest things I will ever have encountered.
Trying to master your inner demons will be the most difficult task you’ll ever encounter because no matter what, they’ll always be there. You will slip up, you will fall down, sometimes for a few days and sometimes for much longer and inevitably it will hurt. You’ll reach a point where you’ll want to give up, give in to the inner critics because you’re fine dealing with the pain.
Don’t give up, even if you can do just the bare minimum to survive, do it, trust me, you’ll thank yourself later. Over time, you’ll pick up the pieces and move on, which is probably one of the hardest things to ever believe when you’re in a bad state.
To myself and anyone who’s going through a tough time, don’t worry, one day your demons will quieten and you’ll see things with more clarity but as of right now, hold on because it’s going to be an emotional ride.